The Darkest Solstice
by frenchrave
Summary: Edward fails to save Bella from fate on that day in La Push, when she leaps off the cliff. What will Become of him now? Will he ever overcome his pain and grief? I dont own twilight or any characters in twilight.
1. Chapter 1

**This a new one, hopefully miles better than my first. Read and review, thanks a million for choosing!**

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Edwards point of view.

**Chapter 1 -The immeasurable void.**

"_It will be as if I never existed…" _

The words that ruined her life, and ended it. My foolish, selfish reason to leave her seemed childish now. She had already made her choice. She made another when I left her: Me or nothing. She chose nothing.

Rosalie's thought swirled around in my head, like a headache they pounded. The truth seemed as if filled with lead. So Bella had really jumped off a cliff. The only verification was Alice's vision, which weren't always true.

I ran until I could smell the lingering scent of her blood, mangled with the scent of salt water. The scent was stale, as if it was dying. Could I save her? I looked at Bella's beautiful, pale face. Her body looked broken and fragile. I waded through the water calmly. The freezing water should have stung my skin with cold, but it didn't. I swam as fast as I could to her floating body, I didn't care who saw now.

_Was it really true? Had she died already?_

She was sinking slowly underwater, going deeper and deeper into the crushing oblivion. I could see her brown hair floating in the water, her face had no expression, she almost looked like she was sleeping. I scooped her into my arms and brought her to the surface. Why did this have to happen to her now? I knew she hadn't got the best luck, but this wasn't just bad luck.

It was my leaving that propelled her to talking her own life. She had a soul, a life to live. And I took it from her, I was nothing more than a thief who stole her heart and her life.

I placed a hand on her cold chest, she had no heartbeat, I let out a dry sob. She was dead. I held her in my arms tightly, so tightly that I heard a crack in her ribs. That didn't stop me though. I didn't want to crush her but I wanted her to wake up. Wake up form the pleasant sleep she was permanently under now. Everyone now crowded the scene. Their thoughts were harsh,

_Did she really intend on suicide?_

I didn't let Bella go until the damned paramedics arrived. They coaxed her put of my arms which were fixed across her broken body. I gave up when they touched me, I was to weak to fight or get emotional. I just felt empty and heavy. Everything felt surreal, like it was a horrible nightmare. Maybe I was finally in hell…

They carted her off in an ambulance, I remember when she didn't want to make a fuss and refused to go into an ambulance. She would be complaining if she were alive. Even though she was dead, she looked beautiful.

"Death hath not sucked the honey from thy breath." I murmured to myself. She was now on her way to heaven and I was left here in hell. I desperately wanted to go with her.

Charlie's cries were loud and heart-shattering, his only daughter was taken away, by me. He sat next to me in the ambulance. I didn't want to read his thoughts at this fragile time. I could tell he blamed me, whether he meant it or not, it was true.

It was through my own foolish actions that led to this disaster. I stared at the white blankets that covered her body. I noticed her arm was dislocated, probably from my grasp earlier or from the fall. It hurt to see her like this

Her face was visible as the blankets only covered her body. Her eyes were closed, thankfully, her eye lids had turned purple from the cold, as did her thin lips. Bruise-like shadows covered the bags that were underneath her closed eyes. Her skin was now very pale, almost grey. She could have passed for a vampire. I brought myself to read Charlie's thoughts to end the awkward silence.

_I hope he feels the pain that I feel now it was all his fault, he should have never left. He probably didn't know how she was going to react, but he knew this could have happened._

I knew this was meant for me. The comment stung but I knew he was right. He was looking at her like I was looking at her. He got his wish, I felt the pain. I might be bold and say it was worse because I knew it was my fault. I had killed my beautiful Bella, my only .

She was pure and whole and now dead. At least she never had to live with the shame that I had now.

The hospital was grim, the dirty white walls seemed to be plastered with confessions, the death of Bella made people think twice about . I overheard Mike's confession to Jessica.

" I had always liked her," She looked at him in admiration,

"I know." She replied sullen. Everyone was solemn for her death, she was d beyond what she knew. The doctors moved around the group of people sheepishly, careful of our reaction. I hadn't felt the need to talk or breath anymore.

I watched Carlisle break the news to Charlie. We all held bated breath.

"Bella is dead, I'm dreadfully sorry. She had a concussion and drowned in the water." Carlisle's calm voice added to the misery.

Can I say goodbye?" Charlie choked through tears. How I wish I could cry for Bella, to have at least one human feature to prove my for her.

"Of course." He led Charlie to the table where Bella lay, We all filed out to give him privacy. He bent down to Bella's level.

"I'm so proud of you still, Bella. I forgive you for taking your own life. I should have supported your condition." Condition? I searched his mind for a reason for the use of word. I certainly found one, Millions of images of Bella sprang into his mind like a slideshow, they all showed her after I had left her. She looked the same as she did on the table. Unhealthy pale skin and the shadows underneath her eyes. He remembered a conversation that they had after I left. He walked carefully around her, didn't mention my name, or anything to do with me. She talked in a dull monotone, the light had already left her eyes. I shuddered at the awful mess I left her as. "We should have helped you, maybe you should have seen somebody." He started crying again, he choked the last goodbye out from fat tears trickling down his cheeks. "I just love you so much, Bella!" He planted a kiss at the top of her forehead and walked away reluctantly.

People in their droves walked in and out. They all left when they said their last goodbyes to Bella, I wanted to be last. The very last person to wish her off to heaven.

"May I ?" I asked Carlisle when everyone had left. He led me to the door. I poured my feeling out to her. I wasn't going to hold back form her. "Bella, love," I began, I swooped down, kneeling beside her. Since she had did, her glorious, beautiful scent had been taken with her. "You will always be on my mind, you hardly ever left." I admitted, "You were devastated by my departure, which I want to admit was stupid and futile. My reason, selfish. I wanted you to be human, and if anything I made you less human." I took her cold hand in mine. "I always wanted you, I lied when I said I didn't want you, I only needed you to believe me. I love you, Bella. I always did, more than you ever knew."

I stared at her closed eyes, wishing they would, somehow, open and her beautiful serene smile would greet me. No such luck, they remained closed. She remained motionless. "Thus with a kiss, I die," I kissed her pale, unmoving lips. They were cold and dead. I left the room silently, as soon as I left the company of humans I ran to first beach, I had already broken the treaty, I couldn't have cared less if Jacob started a fight with me. I would have let him win, and kill me. I believed I deserved what I got.

I trudged along the sandy beach, thought swam through my head. I climbed up to the perch where she jumped from. The scenery was harrowing, yet beautiful. I glanced at the harsh sea, thrashing below me, it spat angrily at me, the waves writhed under the blanket that expanded across over the horizon. I raised my hands above my head and clasped them together, I curled my toes out over the precarious cliff end. I exhaled and dove straight down into the fuming ocean.

The wind rushed past my emotionless face, it burned my closed eyes. It felt oddly freeing and adrenaline pulsed through my empty veins. It was my tribute to Bella, I did this for her. The cruel water parted gently to allow me to plunge into it, The freezing water didn't make me even shiver, it made no difference to me. I swam to the bottom, the water got colder as I pressed further into the pressure. I searched for something, anything that remained me of her. She had to have misplaced something in the water. I wasn't disappointed. A metallic glint pricked my eyes, I glided towards it.

A bracelet lay limply on the stony floor. I grasped the jewellery praying for a good sign. I cleaned the item while surfacing. The fresh air hit my face with force. I had no need, yet I gasped for air out of habit. The sliver bracelet was indeed simple, yet pretty. It was a plain snake-chain silver bracelet. I smelt it to be sure. I hoped the scent would still be evident. I breathed in the scent of the bracelet, the feint smell of Bella hung there, mingled with the fresh scent of sea. I had so pleased to smell her one last time, the potency was lost, it smelt watery and weak. I was still thankful. I pushed it onto my wrist, not wanting to lose another part of her.

I swam to the cliff face, I gripped the cliff, pulling myself upward onto the dry land. I looked back at my empty life. I searched around, paranoid about witnesses. But my worst nightmare when I saw a flash of wild, red hair floating in the breeze.


	2. Chapter 2 Empty Revenge

**Hello. As someone has pionted out, Carlise has been working in the hospital, even though they left. Carlise is too dedicated about work to have left Forks, therefore never left. Explaination done and on with the story...(if the explaination ruined the whole story for you, just leave it out. Its only a small minor mistake.)Thanks to the people who reviewed my story, without whom this chapter wouldt have been here, Cheers!*hold up a glass of milk.***

**Now enjoy! xxx**

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**Chapter 2 - Empty Revenge. **

Victoria advanced toward me, her cat-like eyes leering, but sadness was evident in her ferocious stare. Her eyes were a clear onyx colour, and they kept themselves locked on me as she advanced. I stood my ground and didn't back away from her steps in my direction; though I made sure she knew she wasn't welcome.

"Pity, pity," She laughed coldly throwing back her head, I glared at her, hissing in response. "Your pretty, human pet is dead!" She let out a fake sob and rubbed a non-existent tear from her eye. "How does it feel, Edward?" she took a sweeping step until she was an inch away from my stony face. "How does it feel to have a loved one killed, to have them dead and gone? It hurts, doesn't it?" She growled at me through gritted teeth, a hint of vengeance in her dead, black eyes. "Doesn't it just kill you; consume you with revenge and anger?" She was scoffing now.

"If you must know, it does, are you satisfied?" I spat at her.

"Why so hypocritical Edward? You killed James, my James for that… that human!" She screamed and flailed her arms in frustration, "She did smell good though," She considered for a second. A low hiss grew and escaped my lips.

"Don't you dare talk about her!" I warned, I could feel the anger swelling in my chest.

"Or what?" She laughed in a patronizing tone, "You'll get your friends to come and help you, again…try me." She feigned scared and I turned to walk away, I didn't want to fight her. She wasn't a threat to me. She had gotten what she wanted, she had gotten her revenge. She followed me, her pace quickening until she was right behind me then she ran in front on me so her face was in line with mine. A strange expression dawned over her features, I, being confused by her actions, read her mind to know what she was thinking, to find the reasons behind them.

_We could be great, Edward and I. Strong, invincible and powerful. _

She reached out her hand to touch mine and I snapped it away from hers.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed at her, "Just leave, you have no reason to be here." She circled me, vile, repulsive images were swirling dangerously in her mind. _**Was she imagining me and her, as a coven?**_

"Oh Edward!" She leaned her head on my shoulder and I shook her off. "We could be so great together!" _**Had she any idea that I read her mind? **_"Think about it! James is dead," I detected a hint of acid in her voice when she mentioned his name, "Your mate died, we could make a great coven!" I was visibly repulsed by the idea and she chuckled. "Don't tell me you still love her," She laughed coldly. "Her scent has left with her, you have no-one to protect. You are free to do as you please."

"Of course I love her still." I shouted at her, and her face contorted into shock.

"Why? She was just a normal, useless, pathetic human…"I roared at her, the echo shook the nearby trees like an unnatural wind. I crouched into a protective stance, ready to pounce. "Don't be so pathetic!" She laughed.

"Pathetic?" I spat at her. I launched myself at her. She was sent crashing downwards from the cliff, and her metallic screech penetrated the air. I jumped down after her to finish her off no the plateau below us. I grasped her throat, but she squirmed out of my grasp.

"Do you not think I still love James?" She hissed. I was extremely confused; she had just wanted me to join her coven.

"You don't seem to." I sneered, still deeply confused as to what she was saying.

"What did you think I was here for?" She asked angrily. She began to smile menacingly at me, "You thought I really wanted you!" She laughed coldly. "I was here for vengeance, vengeance for my dear James. But the sea finished you dear mate before I could. So I had nothing to kill, that is, until you showed up."

"But I read your thoughts, you had images-" I stuttered.

"I was blocking my thoughts with that. So you wouldn't see my real intentions."

"You came to kill… me?" I was genuinely surprised at her intention.

"You say it like it's a bad thing!" She chuckled darkly. I thought about my fate, she could kill me. And then I would be with Bella forever. Her idea filled me with joy that I had missed so dearly. I looked up at Victoria for a minute and she glared at me, awaiting my response.

_**What if I did let her kill me? My family would be devastated of course and a mad creature would be set loose on Forks. My death would cause a stir on the human aspect too, the women would gossip about the death of a young boy caused by the death of his lover hours before hand. **_Victoria grew impatient

"Do you want to die or not?" She yelled in frustration. I smiled darkly at her, she wasn't going to win. I couldn't let this evil, cruel vampires roam around the country, let alone the world. I felt the urge to kill Victoria. My body was suddenly angry, I was furious that she had lied to me. The rage consumed me.

"Thanks but no thanks." I lunged at her, crushing her against the stony cliff face, a loud crack resounded on impact. I pinned her squirming torso down until she was barely moving. I leaned my knees on her arms and grabbed both sides of her thrashing head, it felt barbaric but it had to be done. I tore her head off; her piercing metallic screech filled the empty space around us. The scream hung in the air, harrowing and chilling.

I crashed porous rocks together over dry twigs to create a spark to generate enough heat for a fire. The fire spread rapidly around the dry wood, hissing a spitting angrily, I threw her still-moving limbs onto the fire, the embers licked at the skin, blistering it. The sight was gruesome. I stayed watching the burning vampire until I only saw ashes. Then I walked away, thinking about how filthy I felt.

I ran to Carlisle, I confessed my horrible deed as I sank to the floor, exasperated and full of self-loathing. He comforted me, though I didn't deserve it.

"It was not your fault son; she was a threat to us all." I stared at him in disbelief.

"She wasn't a threat to me; I deserve what I should have gotten. I shouldn't be allowed to live. I killed her in vengeance; in cold-blooded anger for Bella's death. I'm a monster." It stung to mention her name. The vicious act I had preformed hadn't helped at all; the only consequences were that that creature was finally at peace with her hellish mate. A blackening chasm spread widely throughout me, deepening my dread of this existence.

My family constantly followed me of the next few days, making sure I wasn't considering suicide, Alice would know anyway, but what else would I contemplate? But they follow me so carefully there was no way I could get away.

I just stayed in my room mostly, solemnly listening to 'Clair de Lune' and I constantly had Bella's lullaby on repeat in my mind. I thought, somehow, it would bring a little bit of Bella back to me, but no such luck. It only deepened the immense chasm inside me where my empty insides lay. I abandoned my 'power' in order to obtain some much needed silence. My mind reading abilities weren't very helpful to me now. I only had to look at people's faces to understand what they were thinking, and they were thinking of pity. My head was crammed full of painful memories and conversations.

I began to talk to Bella in my head, sometimes she would talk back. I pictured her near me; she would look at me with her meaningful, warm chocolate brown eyes. I needed her to ease this aching sensation deep within. _**What should I do? **_I asked her one time, and she laughed gently. How I missed her laugh.

_Honestly, Edward? Get out of the house. _

The first time she spoke back to me, I had screamed in shock. I had thought she had come back from the dead when I saw her beautiful brown eyes once more. Then I realized she was a figment of my imagination, a device made to keep me sane, created by my mind. Her dreamy voice was very much the same, it was what I remembered. Her memory etched into my mind, the essence of her very being was still left in the corner of my heart. I needed to show her what she meant to me. I wanted to show her that I could suffer for her. _**I would suffer for her.**_

_You don't need to do anything. _

_**Nonsense; I would do everything and more for you Bella! **_

I scoffed. Her face faded away slowly from my mind. I wanted to cause myself a physical pain, something that would show people how much pain I was in, but it was impossible for me to do so as I was a 'perfect' being, a vampire. The utmost show of compassion, to me, was to bleed for her, bleed as she did, drip precious, vital blood from my body. But I could not; all I could do was run. It was all I was allowed do, as long as I said I was hunting. I ran until, had I been human, my feet would have been bloody and blistered.

With only a feeling of dread in my stomach, I ran toward the forest. I slumped onto the forest floor, the moss and mud squelched around me as I joined them on the ground. I suddenly smelt the familiar, yet distant smell of a deer, the monster in my chest growled hungrily, telling me to slay the innocent animal and feed, but I refused. The growl was replaced by an unfamiliar pain, I could have rejoiced, I was in pain for Bella. I was so thirsty that I had thirst pains. I ran home, breathing in the scent of the nearby deer, adding to the torture.

Carlisle noticed I wasn't feeding when he saw my black eyes and the purple bruise-like shadows underneath them.

"You know you can't die of thirst Edward, so why try?" He told me.

"I know." I grumbled, disappointed and wishing it weren't true.

"You have to hunt. Hunt with the others this weekend." He said and I murmured a protest, but it sounded more like a whimper.

I thirsted, yes. But it was my thirst for Bella that was stronger. I couldn't remember when I had last felt pain like this, apart from the transformation. The venom had been unbearable; it wasn't worth what I had become, Bella was the only thing that made it all worthwhile. If I hadn't been changed I would have never found her. But now, with Bella dead, for the first time in ages I wished I hadn't been changed. That way I would have died of the influenza in 1918, and she could have been a normal teenager and not have died at seventeen; like I was supposed to.

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**Next Chapter will be up within next week, as you can tell I want to keep a week separate between every chapter. Review, pwease?**

**Thanks...xxx**


	3. Chapter 3 Out Of Time

**Hi! This chapter is a little late, im sorry. Thanks to my beta, you know who you are. ****

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Chapter 3 -

**Out of Time.**

The day of the funeral was the most lamentable day ever to have existed. The drive to the church was silent as no-one wanted to anger me by speaking. The air was suitable; foggy and bitterly cold. The crowd that surrounded the church were all dressed in dark colours as they waited to pay their respects. The atmosphere was thick with darkness and despair. When we stepped into the church, sadness made my steps become heavy and slow, even for a human. Renée asked me to join the family on the front pew. I felt obliged to accept their invitation even though I knew my head would be filled with angry thoughts from Bella's father. Charlie was a little stubborn still, not really looking into my face or talking to me. I sat down and stared at the wooden floor below me, too embarrassed to see the faces of people mourning as I was the cause of their presence.

Renée wore a black veil over her face, like a mourning widower. Phil was close to her, holding her hand to comfort her and gave her tissues for the tears that streamed down her cheeks. Phil was a plain man, but very much noticeably younger than Charlie was. I watched Charlie's expression as he overlooked the scene, his face was filled with despair, regret and I saw a hint of jealousy flash across his watery eyes.

When people paid their respect to me as they passed I felt terribly unworthy of their regrets. I was not worthy to have the honor of Bella's family and friends to be telling me that they were sorry for my loss.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Edward." Angela Webbers' voice was weak, strong enough for me to hear.

_**Not as sorry as I am **_I thought. Almost everyone was in tears during the sermon, but it was quiet regardless. The only sounds were the muffles sobs of Bella's loved ones and the occasional nose being blown.

I stared at the closed casket. The freesias on top of it spilled onto the floor around it. The freesias were in an array of colors, light blue, light pink, bright yellow and gentle lilac. They contrasted against the deep, rich mahogany colour of the wood; it reminded me a little of her hair colour and the richness of her deep chocolate eyes. Oh, how I wished I could see her alive again, for even just a minute, to say goodbye at least.

The whole school seemed to turn up for the funeral. Nothing ever happened in 'good ol' Forks.' This was the topic of most gossip that circulated the town these days. I heard the old women of Forks squabble in the back of the church about the cause of death.

"Definitely concussion." An older woman whispered to the lady beside her. The one that spoke had a face that was aged; wrinkles were visible under her eyes and around her mouth.

"Oh! You can't say that, no one actually knows!" The other lady hissed back.

"I heard it off Charlie himself!" The first woman noted almost proudly that she had connections to the gossip.

"Shh…" The second lady protested at last. I wondered if I had been the source of any gossip.

This of course was the scandal of the year, apart from our departure. 'A young girl, depressed and suicidal jumps off a cliff to end her tragic life, for reasons unknown'. Only I knew why she did it, unlike the sad humans who mourned her. I could never tell them. The suicide attempt could be true, but I knew Bella too well. I couldn't bring myself to conclude that she had meant to end her precious life, all because I left her. _**Stupid, Stupid Vampire**_, I hissed to myself.

I wanted to end my horrible existence as soon as possible. Who could end this vampire's life in the most painful way possible? It was an awful thing to think of at a funeral, but the sad hours seem long. It was all I could think of to pass the time. So I couldn't help but think about my own demise. _**Volturi? They could destroy me**__**…**__**They would refuse, **__**'**__**a waste of talent**__**'**__**.**_I shuddered. It was more of a curse than a gift. _**Jane would surely cause me physical pain, if I attacked Alec she would need to dispose of me. I could aggravate them, she wouldn**__**'**__**t act alone. I could show the whole world that I was a vampire, and then the Volturi would definitely have to kill me. **_

The idea was like ecstasy to me, pulsing deep in my veins. I smiled without thinking but then deterred it into a grimace of pain. I would have to formulate an escape plan but Alice was watching me intently. She had obviously foreseen my decision. _**Damn it, why did I have to plan so early. It would be impossible to get rid of her now. **_

After the funeral we rode in the limo behind the hertz. The forest lagged behind us as we were slower than a child on a bicycle. I was appalled at the sluggish pace. Charlie let me chose the site we would bury her in and I chose the meadow in which we first kissed, and I showed my true self. The memory replayed in my mind over and over again. Her beautiful face was leaning in to kiss me.

_Thank you, Edward! This is so beautiful. I couldn__'__t have chosen a better site myself. _She laughed softly in my head.

_**You don**__**'**__**t need to thank me; I did this just for you. It**__**'**__**s all I can do. **_And again her face faded away, gently. This time, the memories hurt, carving a deeper dread in my existence. Her brown eyes bored into mine again, I shifted away, unable to look in to her eyes.

_Look at me,__Edward!_

_**I can**__**'**__**t, you shouldn**__**'**__**t be in my mind. I have to say goodbye. **_

_You said goodbye. _

_**Why are you still here?**_

_To tell you to live your life!_

_**What life? This is a horrible existence. I should end it as quickly as possible**_**. **

_Don__'__t end your life; I would never be able to forgive myself. It would be my fault entirely if you were to end your life._

_**That**__**'**__**s exactly what I feel right now! You died because of me; I will return the favor, regardless of what you, a figment of my imagination, think! **_

_I died trying to hear your voice, I needed you. I thought that every time I hurt myself or got into trouble that your angry voice would talk to me, just like I__'__m talking to you now__**. **_

_**Don**__**'**__**t be ridiculous, what do you know anyway? You aren**__**'**__**t real. I must be insane; I**__**'**__**m having a conversation in my head. **_

_You needed to know, and I told you. I knew you wouldn__'__t believe me if I told you__**. **_

_**You just can**__**'**__**t be real! You look exactly the same and**__**… **__**I-I can**__**'**__**t believe you are actually talking to me, from beyond the grave! Well beyond life seeing as you aren**__**'**__**t buried yet.**_

_Just believe me, for a minute. It__'__s not your fault. _

_**Hmn... **_I refused to respond to her, she was not shifting the blame.

I stood over the grave, disturbed by the conversation I just had with myself. I looked down at the hole that was dug garishly out of the soft, green grass that had once been there. The coffin was lowered at a snail's pace. I could never forget the cold look in Charlie's eyes, and the tears Renée spilt on the bouquet of flowers she held, the tears shone in the moonlight, like late night dew.

I threw in the last flower on her wooden coffin that was deep in the ground now. It landed in the centre, thanks to my aim. It was a single red rose in a sea of coronations. The rose was blood-red; the other flowers were a pale white, like I had asked. It symbolized how I had chosen her, her blood and her beauty and her perfection, not to mention her imperfections, like the little tear the rose had on its outer petal. Then I threw in one last item, my bracelet. It had the Cullen's crest on it; the crest was stamped on a large leather wrist band. I had taken her bracelet and I gave mine to her. It was a symbol, she would always have me, and I would always have a part of her.

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**Stay tuned till next week.**


	4. Chapter 4 Shooting Stars

**Hello, I had a lot going on so im sorry if this is percieved as being late..:D Enjoy...**

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**Chapter 4-shooting stars**

I spent years in my house, just trying to comprehend. I did not go to school after the accident, I could not have possible bared the experience of school without my glorious Bella to keep me sane. It would have been bedlam, people avoiding me because I just had my only love stolen away. Their thoughts garish and uncensored. Every possible little thing in Forks High School would have reminded me of her, the desk in which we sat at in Biology, which was where I had first seen her beauty and smelt her tantalizing scent. The whole state of Washington just brought up painful, yet blissful memories. She had been my whole life so I had nothing to hide behind; she had left me shattered.

Carlisle found my 'zombie-like' trance rather disturbing.

"You must go out sometime; this trance your in is getting at you too much At least hunt with the family." He pleaded with me, I just turned my eyes on him, and he must have seen the desperation and sheer isolation pan across my face, for he said nothing more. That, sadly, was not the case for the rest of the family. They still believed that if they asked me enough times to feed with them that I might comply, no such luck.

"Do you want to hunt this week?" Emmett asked regularly, obviously frantic for my mood to pass, he seemed lonely without my normal personality showing.

"I'm not thirsty." I replied every time, but he ignored my lies. He would keep on asking, hoping that one day I might change my answer.

My bloodlust had faded away eventually. It left a vacant space in my mind, more room to think. A week passed since that he last asked when Alice got antsy.

"Will you please go hunting with us, Edward? Please?!" She pleaded softly, her face contorted in pain.

"I'm Not Thir-" I began.

"And I'm not stupid!" She cut into me, shrieking dramatically. I stared at her disbelievingly. "Everyone can see plainly that you are starving yourself." She said in a softer tone, but still angry beyond belief.

"I can't starve myself, I don't eat." I protested futilely, she snorted.

"I haven't had a vision about you in _years_." She was on the verge of breaking point. She moved closer to me. "I'm really worried about you." She whispered for my benefit.

"I don't feel like doing anything, Alice. I can't live with myself." They all groaned as I grumbled.

"Do _anything_, Edward. Go to the shops with me." She pleaded, letting the emotion spread to her eyes, I could not say no when she looked like that.

"I do need to get C.D.s" I gave in, just wanting my family to let it go. She clapped excitedly. I really did need to purchase something, I was a little behind the years in music. My music collection was vast, but could not last forever. She beamed and packed up at vampire speed.

Alice rushed me into my old silver Volvo and drove us away speedily. I watched the familiar forest blur past and memories flooded back, a pain jabbed uncomfortably into my side. How long would this last?

Bella's eyes met mine again; I blinked repeatedly and shook my head to get rid of her face for now.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked worried about my unusual movement.

"Nothing." I lied, smiling falsely to her; she was skeptic but did not question me any further. She did not need to worry about my sanity, I did not need to bother people with my over sensitivity.

I walked slowly to the record shop, talking in the sights of humanism. The smell of blood was not as bad as I feared it might be and the burning sensation did not attack my throat. _**I must have immunity to human blood now. **_

The record shop was littered with teenagers and a few middle-aged people wandered aimlessly around. The aisles were sorted into genres and artists. I found classical and began rooting around for anything, I saw a few titles for composers, the name Debussy showed up and I walked away, frightened. A girl bumped into me and I muttered an apology.

"I'm sorry." I said just loud enough for her to hear; she turned around and smiled instantly, the lip piercing glinted in the light due to her movement. She flipped her long, styled red tipped hair.

"How may I help you?" She asked fluttering her eyelashes, apparently trying to flirt with me. I stayed out of her mind regardless. I had not read minds in a long time; I had not felt the need to read minds. It was easier to give them their privacy and it gave me more time to be alone.

"Can you help me find some good artists and albums?" I asked politely. She blinked again, clearly dazed by my smile.

"Of course!" She shook herself out of her daze. "What did you have in mind?" She added in a more serious tone.

"I'm game for anything." I smiled a half-smile making the poor girl's heart palpitate. I implied my interest for her company, hoping it would hurry the process up; I did not usually use my powers of persuasion like this.

"What do you like?" I asked hoping it would not be Debussy. She smiled and led me to the 'heavy metal' section, _**Th**_**a**_**nk god. I would have walked out if she had brought me over to the 'classical' aisle. **_

"This band are brilliant, I saw them last year at a concert, absolutely amazing performance, clearly better live, but a good album altogether." She rattled on about several bands that she had in her hand; I nodded and smiled in places. I acted as if I was listening to spare her feelings. I felt rude not listening but I just could not hold my concentration when I did not really care about the subject.

"I'll take them all." I announced after her discussion about which of the albums she thought I would like best.

"No, that's too much!" She laughed it a sharp shocked cough.

"Try me." I held out a wad of hundreds. She let out a small smile; I did not have to read her mind to tell what she was thinking.

_Commission. _

"Are you sure? This is a lot of money to be spending on just music." She asked me confused still.

"I am fine with buying this much music, I have a couple of years to catch up on." I chuckled. It was expensive, she was not lying anyway. I walked away happily holding my purchases in a plastic bag. The plastic clattered inside the bag.

I stayed within the store, looking at the t-shirts that adorned the walls, slogans and famous singer's posters plastered the walls. A song played in the back round; I stupidly listened to the lyrics. The words almost tore me apart, the lyric were exactly how I felt about Bella, and the hook caught me off guard.

_Don't you know who you are, you're my shooting star_.

"What song is that?" I almost shouted to the girl who had helped me. She was shocked at my expression of anger.

"Shooting Star - Air Traffic." She called out to me. "Do you want the single?" She asked bewildered. I walked back to her; she immediately scribbled something at the back of my receipt.

"Thank you for your help." I handed her a heavy tip, she beamed back at me. She gave me my receipt; I looked at the back to see what she had scribbled. In a clear handwriting it read:

Call me, Kathy xxx (346589086)

"No, thank you." She winked at me; I smiled back, not feeling mean enough to tell her I was not going to 'call her'. I stalked out. I found Alice searching for more clothes.

"Come on Alice, you'll have us bankrupt in no time." She stuck her tongue out at me, and then smiled.

"You made a joke!" She laughed.

"Yes, Alice I did." I chucked at her strange mood.

"My brother is getting better." She hugged me, I froze at the motion. We walked to the car; she tottered around in her dangerously high heels and millions of bags. She swaggered towards the car; people looked around towards her, some doing a 'double-take' a girl of her size having no trouble with carrying that amount of bags. She flung the bags into the back of the car.

"What did you buy from 'Men's fashion Boutique'?" I asked noticing the bags stowed safely away. She paused, obviously to think of something.

"Jasper needed jeans." She said. I was almost positive he did not, she dressed him anyway. All of our wardrobes were packed with unused clothes. I was not going to invade her privacy to find out; I did not need to either.

Carlisle and Esme greeted us at the door, _**Okay, something's up. **_

"Family meeting." Esme announced. The whole family gathered around the unused dining table. Every family member looked around anxiously, apart form Alice. Her pale face was smooth and carefree. _**Therefore, it was not bad news. **_

"Edward went out today! He is less depressed. You can't punish us for anything." Emmett laughed.

"I know. I am very proud of Edward for doing something today. He hasn't just been wallowing around in his grief." I winced; the last comment was an obvious dig at me. "I'm not giving out to anyone, the meeting is for news." Carlisle began, looking at Esme. "I think we have spent to long in Forks, I cant spend any longer in the hospital, they already think I'm 35, I'm only 24 as you all know." He laughed.

"You could start again." Jaspers calm voice interjected, clearly indicating to me.

"Where to then, which state is the second rainiest?" I joked.

"We were thinking of a different country, not state," Esme explained.

"Oh." Was all I could say, it was all I could manage.

_**Somewhere rainy and cold, speaking English preferably**_. I did not need the stress of learning another language, although I had a few in my repertoire. I thought hopefully of the places they could have brought us. _**England or Australia?**_ I was not expecting what they told me.

"Ireland." Esme stated, her eyes automatically brightened when she said its name. Pictures of dancing leprechauns in green field could not have been stopped from entering my mind.

"You're serious?" Rosalie sneered, her face contorted into a scowl. "Don't they just have farms there?" She flung her long blonde hair back, her scowl not disappearing.

"Not at all! I heard that Ireland is like America in some respects." Esme chuckled.

"Which state would that be then? Forks?" Emmett snickered.

"I checked the area's weather to where we're going. Wexford's a lovely place with weather like Forks." She had obviously for seen Esme's decision to move to 'Wexford.'

The family packed up quickly, I felt saddened by moving to a strange country, yet excited at the prospect of getting a new start. I had the box of Bella's thing stowed carefully under my bed; I removed it to inspect the damage. A faded picture of her, and me I was dreadfully sullen in the picture, a fake smile was stretched across her alabaster skin, seeing her again was a bad idea. The pain that was conveniently stored in the corner of my dead heart began to dig deeper. I placed the picture of us both back into the box and packed it away into my suitcase.

Alice had her whole wardrobe shoved into at least nine bags. She giggled when I stared at her disbelievingly.

"A girl can never have enough clothes." I gaped at her and just shook my head and walked away. The whole house was empty within the day, it looked harrowing, it had grown dark over the time in which we had packed, leaving the house gloomy and depressing, like a true vampire's home. I saw my music collection in the corner, talking a large portion of the space.

The airport was deserted as it was very early morning A few passengers looked wearily around, dreading their 'red-eye flight.' We fitted in, our pale skin did not stand out that much, the bags under my onyx eyes seemed fitting with most people in the airport looking the same. The receptionist was easy territory;

_**I have**__** to get us first class tickets to Ireland, this minute. **_Emmett pushed me forward toward the booking station.

"You'll get the tickets easier than us all, just dazzle her, man." He whispered so the woman would not hear. I stepped forward to the girl, she seemed young, around twenty or so, her blonde hair was tucked behind her ear. She immediately looked up as I approached, she smiled.

"Can I help you?" She asked in a polite tone.

"I would like to purchase tickets to Ireland, The nearest time, thank you."

"Alright then, the next plane is in two hours that should leave you enough time. Here you are." She handed us our itinerary.

"Thank you. Are these tickets first class?" I smiled, the girl stopped breathing. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry. You wanted first class?" She scuttled around the desk finding what she wanted, an inhaler. She puffed on it under the desk. "Asthma." She explained. "Here you are, seven tickets, yes?"

"Yes."

"Here you are, seven tickets boarding in two hours, have a good time." I handed her the money. Emmett was holding in his laughter, Jasper also was containing himself.

"You gave her an asthma attack!" Emmett roared with laughter as we left the station.

"Don't. Say. Anything." I growled at them both.

We sauntered over to the boarding gates.

"Do we have to drive when we land?" Rosalie purred, hoping there would be a new purchase involved.

"Yes, two hours at normal speed." Carlisle stated in his calm voice.

"Not with our speed, it will take no less than an hour." Alice said in a dull monotone. The airplane ride was long. Eight hours with nothing to think about but what this, 'Wexford' would be like.

I put the free headphones to listen to the movie displayed on the monitor in front of me. My vision was obscured by the fuzzy focus, I could make out the people, but not details. I just gave up and listened to the dialogue, I shuddered, _**a romance**_. I was glad I could not pay attention.

I looked around the plane, people coughing and watching the vile movie. I saw children squirming, unable to sit still, The air hostess kept coming over asking if I wanted food, I refused every time. Angered by their constant nagging I just pretended to be asleep so they could not annoy me further. I noticed when the plane slowed and I opened my eyes to look out the window.

_**Here's to a fresh start.**_

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**Thats a nice fun chapter, a filler mostly. Its less suicidal and more fun to write.** _Ill be back next week..._


	5. Chapter 5 Keeping appearances

**Im so sorry that this was so late! I have my junior cirtificate and really would love to put as much as i can up regularly but sometimes i cant. My stupid parents taking away my laptop!:( Now..enjoy the chapter!**

**By the by, if you didnt already know.. i dont own twilight. nor do i own the characters, thanks again..xx**

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**Chapter 5 – Keeping up appearances**.

The bitter wind swept across my bare neck. How I wished to be human to feel the sweet sting of the sharp gust of wind, I wished my life away and wished some more. Jasper inhaled deeply, absorbing the cool breeze.

"It's so clean! It's barely polluted by the smell of human blood." Alice nodded knowingly, I knew what she was truly thinking but I felt the need to keep her privacy.

"It's a good country for us. I don't see any danger in the future for any of us." Alice's visions often kept me sane, knowing the future was not a need but to my keep my head level. I was frequently jealous of the relationship Alice and Jasper had, they had each other, always and forever. Neither one put another in danger just by existing, neither had to always be in mortal peril every goddamn second. I was also jealous of both of their states, two perpetually young people allowed to be in love forever.

Bella made it clear she wanted to live forever with her; but I was not going to sacrifice her freedom and soul for something as trivial as my comfort. The only reason she thought she needed to become a vampire was that I struggled with her scent, a potent weapon as it were. I thought I could protect her for long enough, I failed my only challenge. I had never fought to keep a human alive before. She had the worst luck on top of that; I could not help think of how she could not have used her luck and unleashed it as a weapon of mass destruction.

Going without Bella was like a heroin addict going cold turkey for months, the withdrawal symptoms were atrocious, and I yearned for her company when I thought of her. I sometimes shook with grief for what had happened. My heroin supply had vanished, my beloved dealer dead. Death seemed the only reasonable option; to be with Bella was what I wanted. I did not want to disappoint my family on the other hand, although it seemed noble to stay alive for them I barely lived, I only existed. My life had become merely a defiance of humanity; vampires were only a feeble myth to many people.

The scenery wasn't what I expected coming out of the airport. It was industrialised and grey, dull flat buildings cornered us in every space. Huge modern buildings towered above us, white monsters with huge clear glass eyes, staring menacingly at us. I couldn't believe it when I didn't see green fields and lush grass covering every square inch. However, as we sped past the shops and hotels we began to see fields. Lavender was planted in one, the tantalizing fragrance wafted in the delicate breeze, I pulled the scent deep into my lungs, filling it and creating a beautiful memory. I chuckled as I saw a wooden cow painted purple stuck into the enclosure, _**good sense of humour**_. We drank in the sights, the green grass swayed softly in the evening wind.

The small towns were always the same. They had at least one 'newsagents', a 'pharmacy' which I was told was a drugstore. Moreover, around several pubs of various shapes and sizes. These towns had the strangest locals at the small hours. They sauntered out of the blackened doorways of various pubs with pink faces and still in a drunken stupor, shouting and singing alongside embarrassed family members or friends. It was early morning, the sunlight broke out from a split in the clouds, poking through and clearly irritating the eyes of the older patrons. He rubbed his eyes aggressively and groaned as he glanced up to the penetrating sun.

Feeling oddly flamboyant, I waved at the man to his dismay, awaiting his response I leant out the open window. He blinked several times before noticing I had called for his attention, his hand raised awkwardly, he preformed a half-hearted wave with the most unusual expression on his face. The whole family laughed noticing what I had done. I laughed for the fist time in years. The lightness embraced me; joy overcame the darkness that swallowed me so suddenly.

It would take weeks for our furniture and belongings to arrive so we reluctantly stayed in a 'Bed and Breakfast' near our home, in fact directly opposite. Until out move was complete we would have to make do with what we had. The décor of the B&B was charming; wallpaper was crumpled and torn, some parts of the carpet were worn out completely. The dated curtains and the sofas clashed awfully. Alice's frown was evident now.

"It's clashing!" She moaned plucking fluff off the dusty upholstery on the couch. I sighed, _**Is that all she's really thinking about? **_I scanned her mind for the first time in a long while. It felt wrong to invade a person's privacy so, but I had no other choice, _**was I to let my gift rot away, unused?**_

_This place needs a serious makeover. Curtains, carpet and furniture. I wonder if I could ask the owner_. Her thought continued in the same manner, thinking of colour co-ordination. The woman at reception was an older woman, her eyes widened with surprise as we advanced towards her. Her expression melted from surprise to joy.

_Customers!_

"Hello there!" She chirped brightly her words distorted through her accent. "How can I help you?" She raised the end of her question. Carlisle had taken to becoming the leader of the pack, the alpha-male as it were.

"Yes, thank you, I would like a room, or rooms, to suit up to seven people." She blinked widely and counted us in her head.

_One, two, three, four, five, six and seven. My Lord! What a large family and all so incredible good looking!_

"I have four bedrooms available, although they all only have a double bed. I'm afraid one of you will have to have a room to yourself." She looked around noting the couples then her glance fell on me.

_That leaves the bronze haired one, _I sighed, _**and that would be me the loner.**_ _**I'm the only one in my family not married and alone. **_

"I guess I'll take that room." I let a hint or anger trickle into that statement.

"Well here you are, love" She handed me a set of old-fashioned brass keys. "Room five upstairs, do you need help unpacking?" A tone of longing penetrated her small voice.

_Too young, Valerie. There is no way he would ever go for you._

"No, thank you. I don't need directions either. Thanks for your help." I tried best not to look at her; I need not seduce the poor woman. I stalked upstairs angered by my loneliness.

The room reflected the country atmosphere and was similar to the hallway I had just escaped. It was cramped and stuffy. A double bed was shoved roughly into the corner and a desk crammed beside it. The lamp perched precariously on the bedside table looked older than I was. I decided mentally to not go near it; I didn't want to buy another. The window was positioned overhead, a small view to the outside world, and I had to perch on the headboard just to look out of it.

The miniature window out looked the cosy village, a cottage sat next to us, vines grew messily on the painted exterior, the vines were cut sloppily around the windows allowing vision for the inhabitants. The curb winded dangerously to a deserted street. A pub was by the opposite road, the drunkards still making their way home, stumbling only occasionally. The rickety cobbled streets snaked around the village houses.

We had no choice whatsoever in schools; there was only one school in the entire area. It was school or bust and we chose school. It was most unusual, a public school with a uniform. The uniform consisted of a grey shirt for both sexes and a unisex woollen jumper. The men wore plain black trousers. The girls wore a plaid knee –length skirt. Alice grew fonder for the uniform when she was allowed shop for shoes and accessories. I asked her to buy me a pair, she luckily knew my size. She bought herself a pair of sky-high black stilettos. I wondered if we were allowed those.

I was pleased with the idea of a uniform, Alice could not possibly force me to dress o her standards. As predicted, the woman adjusted their uniforms. Rosalie shortened the length of her hemline a few centimetres short of her dignity, and a shirt so low Emmett disapproved, only because other men would be able to see. Alice had changed hers a little less dramatically. I wondered sometimes why they had a problem with trying to be normal.

That night without consulting my family, I though it suitable to hunt before my first day at school. For extra care, I had not been near enough humans to be careless anymore. I picked the forest, which sounded pleasing, many circled the old village but I decided on one, Tintern forest. It was a small forest on the edge of the temple town area. I ran to the opening of the trail. The twisted oak tree's roots protruded through the sloppy, dirty trail. A human could not possibly climb this without tumbling and falling, well not Bella. I searched if this forest had over population of animals, it hadn't unfortunately, unless you counted the rabbits which multiplied rapidly.

My feet kept a steady rhythm, pounding lightly on the thin trail, following the potent deer scent I had been avoiding for a while now. The animal inside possessed me when I saw the helpless deer scarper as it caught sight of my unusual presence, the monster controlled all movements from then on, the snapping of twigs beneath me told me I was on the right track. The monster sped towards the frail animal at full speed the animal darted away, unable to comprehend what would happen next, then the monster spun around and saw his advantage. He charged at the animal throwing it to the ground, it plummeted and its spine cracked with the force. It lay limp with the injuries making the familiar scent flow around him; the monster dug its teeth into the deer's soft flesh. The blood trickled into his mouth a low grumble grew in his chest, it had been too long, he pressed harder letting the blood fill up in his throat and pour into his system. He drank the deer dry.

I woke from the monster. I watched myself extract my teeth from the animal's neck. What had I let myself become? The deer's frail body lay in my hold; the neck was broken and hung from my arm. It reminded me of the night I had held Bella. The deer's fur looked to me like her sweet smelling hair. I dropped the body quickly, shock gripped me. The symptoms took over again. I wiped the blood, which remained, at my mouth.

It grew lighter as the night progressed. I only realised we had to go until Jasper's knuckles rapped on the wood of my door. I was so deeply transfixed in my thought I jumped at the sound. I chuckled at my reaction, nothing used to frighten me, and I was barely even taken by surprise. I threw on my uniform. I glanced in the mirror; my eyes were a golden brown, the way they looked after I fed. The purple shadows beneath my eyes were a deep blue now, I most definitely looked sick. I couldn't do anything about it so I let it be. I ran out of the room at a controlled speed. Everyone seemed ready for the unknown.

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Ill try and get my chapter up as soon as I can. xx


	6. Chapter 6 New Beginnings

**Hey There, I'm sorry that its been so long... I had my exams and now they're over...(mini-party) AND...now I proudly present you with my new chapter, dun-dun-DUN...**

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**Chapter 6 – New beginnings**

The morning dew had barely settled before we left for school. The hysteria and nervousness heightened when I realised I was practically alone, I had no friend apart from my family. I began to panic and fluster about_**, a new school and new pupils**_. I could have screamed. I eventually calmed myself down enough to climb into the car. I silently fumed in the car, angry at letting myself get this far, allowing myself to self-numbing existence.

"Why do we have to leave early?" Emmett grumbled, you could have sworn he was wishing he had a lie in, although he couldn't sleep.

"It takes a little longer to get to school here." Alice explained.

"That didn't affect us last time." Emmett chuckled throatily. By last time he meant Forks, I shuddered hesitantly. I felt a hand on my shoulder trying to comfort me.

"This is different." Rosalie replied, it was her hand on my shoulder. She also was upset about Bella's death, she realised it was stupid to be jealous and angry at her for being human, she knew now that humanity was reckless and tough, not something to be jealous of. Rosalie was less vain now, taking care of herself was now second best to Emmett, and everyone knew that love is precious. I taught them a lesson, love gently.

'_**These violent delights have violent ends**_

_**And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,**_

_**Which as they kiss consume.'**_

I looked out the window of the car suddenly aware of what I was doing, subjecting myself to the trivial teenage thoughts and the stares of high school. I wondered if I could ever get a friend like Bella again. I vowed never to hurt like this again, and not to kill another helpless human girl. The wet grass swept past us, the leaves on the trees glistened and dripped with the morning drizzle. I watched wearily as a leaf parted company with the tree, _**it really is autumn now**_, I thought_**. **_

The school was a bricked building; the monotonous bricks connected many different shaped halls. The doors were painted a sickly fake green colour complete with matching windowsills. The roof was flat and a dull grey. The whole area screamed school. I trudged towards the reception or 'front office' the secretary gaped as we stepped inside, _**I**_ _**really don't like the reaction we always get. **_

"Hello!" She said, looking me straight in the eyes.

"Err, hello." I greeted as nicely as I could.

_Wow, new boy- boys actually…and girls…too bad. I hope they are related_. _That bronze haired one is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s! _I sighed internally, _**was I 'that gorgeous'? **_I usually got all the thoughts about people's first impression of us: stunning, models and always different…little did they know how different we were.

"So, you are the Cullen's." She noted. Grabbing several files and handing them to me, I turned and handed them out at vampire speed, luckily she didn't notice.

"Cullen's and Hale's." I corrected her politely.

"Oh yes, of course, my apologies."

"That's quite alright." I quipped quickly. The others scrambled to their classes quickly. I had a few classes with Alice luckily. The first class was English with Mr. Browne.

The room was oddly loud. The whole class was talking and sitting on each other's laps, in absence of the teacher. I was shocked as I came in. The whole class's heads snapped up to look at me, to probably see if it was the teacher that had entered the class. The boys that looked up just continued to chat. The girls gawped in my direction, some returned to their original seating plan as they realised it was only the 'new boy'. Some girls gasped audibly to my embarrassment, boys rolled their eyes and most girls sighed in unison. I looked behind me desperate to see the Greek god that had entered the room behind me. A small giggle rose from the back of the class.

A girl, shorter than five foot five approached me, her black hair shone blue in the artificial light.

"Hi, I'm Jenah Cooke." She smiled sweetly at me; I then recognised her voice as the giggle at the back.

"Hello," I replied weakly at he, confused by her confidence. "I'm Edward Cullen." I was curious and I scanned her mind. I heard nothing. _**Are you kidding, another one? **_I blocked out all the other thoughts and concentrated on her mind, a blissful silence hung in the air.

The door creaked open and a middle-aged man entered holding a briefcase.

"To your seats." He ordered the class. I handed my slips to him, he pointed to a seat beside Jenah, _**Now to investigate**_. She was bent over her work, scribbling effortlessly into it; her hair spilled over her hunched shoulders and on her face with was scrunched up with concentration. I peered over her to see what we were meant to be doing.

"Personal writing." She laughed and I jumped back, I was only taken aback because I would have known if I could read her mind.

"Oh." _**Was that all I could say?**_ I took note of her face; her pearly white teeth gleamed against the pale pink of her lips, which curled into a smile. Her eyes were a dark grey, they lightened as they reached the pupil, and a glimmer of green swam through them. She wore make-up; a cat-flick was sweeping across her eyelid in pitch black. Her high cheek bones were defined and she had dimples in each cheek when she smiled.

"Page twenty four." She prompted me, looking slightly worried about my blank expression, _**Why was her mind blank? **_I focused on her thoughts again, all there was, was the scratching of pens on paper. I began to think that my abilities were fading. I checked everyone in the room, I breathed a sigh of relief when I realised I was in perfect working order.

_Third times a charm. _Bella'slulling voice seeped into my note at which she ended on hung limply in the air. Simply nothing came out of that girls mind. I took an exasperated breath inward. I flinched. A delicate scent stung at my nostrils, my mouth began to fill up with venom, a reflex action as it were. I began to hatch plans of how to dispose of her body when I was done with her; a trick I had learnt with Bella when I wanted to kill her in biology, flashes of fantasies flew through my mind, me feasting on Jenah's delicious blood.

She finished writing and snapped her book shut, wafting her delectable smell up towards my unexpecting nose. I curled my hands around the wood of the desk and held on tightly, leaving a perfect print of my hand in the wood, briefly distracting myself from the girl. _**Could she have come at a worse time? Just when I thought I could start again, there is no way that I would start this cycle again. This girl could possible ruin my life. I don't hate her, It's just the fact I want her so much. So warm, so sweet, so-**_

"What did you write about?" She wondered innocently_**. I want to kill her and she begins talking to me, perfect. **_

"I didn't begin." I spoke truthfully without breathing.

"Ooh…" She pointed a finger at me and waggled it mockingly. "You're going to be in trouble!" She sang, smiling widely. _**Don't kill her, don't kill her**__**, do not kill her.**_The bell luckily sounded two seconds later; I jumped out of my seat and ran. _**Call her over, Edward, she will follow, lead her into a closet and drink her precious blood. It will only take two seconds**_. _**She could think you like her, pretend to lean in to kiss her and drive your teeth into her soft salty skin and the blood will pour. Think of how good it will taste, Edward.**_

I thought of Carlisle's face,_** do not disappoint him**__**, do not**__**. **_The teacher called out the homework behind us.I pulled my locker open_**; her scent is not like Bella's, its better. **_

I was appalled by the truth, but I knew it to be honest. Bella's was floral and Jenah's was lavender coated in a sweet honey. She also was unreadable. I began to wonder if this is a never-ending cycle, I find a girl fall in love because I want her so badly, kill her one way or another and it then will begin again_**.**_

_**I could kill her**_, the monster within me rejoiced. _**Then, maybe this cycle would end, or I would find another one. However, it's still Bella I love. I have no idea what to do, keep her alive or not. **_A battle raged in my mind between my morale and the monster created by the venom. I decided not to kill the girl, I didn't need the blood and wasn't going to jeopardise my family's happiness for a kill that I didn't need to make. I had survived without human blood for a long while and I endured my instinct to kill Bella for long enough.

I scuttled off to lunch; I bought my show-food and sat next to my family at our own table, not joining anyone. People feared us, because we were intimidating. Tall, model-esque teenagers with a secret they didn't want to know. Nobody talked at our table, so I sat listening to the babble of people's minds. Then I decided to find out what this girl was doing.

"Who is that gorgeous bronze haired guy over there?" A girl squealed to Jenah, as she had seen me, and by mistake, I had caught her eye.

"Oh, that's Edward." She said in common courtesy. "He's new, and in my English class." She almost turned to glance my way, but she didn't.

"Lucky you!" Another girl sighed leaning her face on her hands. _If I was in his class… _She began to think.

"Who's that girl you staring at?" Jasper asked in his usual cool tone.

"I'm not staring- She's in my English class and she's unreadable." The whole family's eyes snapped up to me. The same thought circulated in their heads. Emmett laughed, _not again. _Rosalie shot a hideous glare at the girl_. I hope he knows what he is doing; he had better not make us move again. _Alice's thoughts seemed to be more positive._ I mean it has a been years, I'm sure she is perfect. Oh! I hope she likes shopping… _I cut her off quickly._ Edward will go insane if I struggle with her blood. She's not going to be like Bella's, their lie fingerprints, never the same. _I winced.

"She's better." I said in a dull monotone_. _He flinched._ Oh lord, this will be difficult. _Jenah sat at her table, her black hair spilling done to the middle of her back. She pushed her chair out beneath her and rose, she swept past out table, her scent lingered even after she left. _Oh! He wasn't lying, that was better than Bella's blood, and she is very pretty. Edward will have some trouble with this one_. I scowled at Jasper; he looked down caught red-handed, as it were. _I thought you were finished reading minds. _

I watched her saunter back to her table. I took a minute to notice her as a human, not a meal. She wasn't only beautiful, but poised and elegant. Her black hair shone underneath the artificial light and blue danced delicately through it. The hair led me down towards her uniform, which she had also made adjustments to. Her black jumper lay on the back of her chair, leaving the white shirt tucked in loosely into her skirt, which lay on her waist. She was so utterly feminine and lady-like for a young girl.

The whole family noticed my fascination for the new girl; they wondered what this obsession would lead to. I didn't want this to become a new Bella. If I got went near this girl I would affect her world completely as well as affecting mine too.

_**I am so sorry, Bells. This won't ever become anything more than what it is. I have no idea who she is and nothing will happen I swear it. No one could ever replace you. **_

_Edward sometimes you must, she seems friendly don't run away as you did with me. At least become friends with her, for my sake, Edward please. You deserve to be happy, and she will make you happy. _I sighed exasperated, but complied; there was no use for arguing. I would endure it; the most delicious scent would have to become a familiar perfume and nothing more_. _I will try not to destroy her. Carlisle was a little sceptical at first.

"Are you sure you can control yourself, this blood is different, you say."

"I controlled myself for a year, I'm sure I will be okay with being friends with someone."

"Is this what you want?"

"I don't want to fall in love, no. I do, however want a friendship."

"Are you telling her about us soon?"

"No, nothing about us."

"Do you ever plan on telling her?"

"Only when she needs to know." I walked away, undecided still, on whether I should be friends with her. When could I ever tell this girl, Jenah about my deadly secret_**, I guess I could try to have a normal friendship with a human for once? **_

I remembered her eyes again, those deep grey-green eyes looked into mine, her lips moved in slow motion. Her upper lips curled slowly into a smile, _**we could be friends, if she so wished. If I could resist the delectable perfume-like scent, her blood had**_. I agreed with my inner thoughts. _**We could be friends.**_

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But can you be friends? Review...


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